Dirt Road Religion.

Have you ever watched as a child danced through a field of wild flowers?

Have you ever listened as a child, sitting on her daddy's shoulders, laughed out loud at the birds in the sky?

Have you ever seen the crooked smile of a child who has captured a grasshopper? 

Have you ever wondered how children can run and run and run but they never tire? 

Have you ever thought they looked like angels, floating just above the ground? 

This is because their spirits are not tied down to society's complex definitions of good and bad, beautiful and ugly, or even right and wrong. 

They smile, laugh, and dance around without a care in the world. 

Children are inherently free. 

We are all born free.

And only those who refuse to conform to the pressures of worldly expectations remain free throughout their lives. 

Felicity: To Run
There is an unseen majestic wonder down dirt roads in small towns. There are no words to describe the euphoria one can feel as their feet beat against a hidden dirt road that only exists because the powerful forces beneath the hood of a rumbling tractor, driven by a farmer headed off to work before the sun lit the land, passed through here while the rest of the world was still asleep. As your legs move faster and you begin to feel stronger than you ever have, it is as if the weight of the world falls from your soul with every earth pounding leap. There are no struggles. There is no sadness, no anger, and no pain. There is just simple, calm nothingness when you allow yourself to become one with nature. 

This practice is not exercise. 

It is not about physical strength or endurance. 

One's body is capable of miraculous strength when the soul is let free. 

It is religion. 

It is my religion.

 It is as close to heaven as we, on earth, can come. 

It is the ultimate source of strength. 

This experience can be so empowering that the human body can not keep up the flying soul and one can not help but collapse... but it doesn't matter. It doesn't hurt as you fall into the earth because you are there. 

You have met divine Felicity. 

Serenity.
The peace that one can find while lying in at the edge of a green field, watching the sun rest behind a mountain as another day comes to an end, is the purest level of serenity I have ever known. The world is full of beauty and chances to become one with nature. As with all miracles, finding personal enlightenment through nature takes one's time and undivided attention. Most chances are missed because we are too busy to stop and notice. 

Dirt. 
I spent my childhood covered, head to toe, in southern Utah dirt. I enjoyed the innocence of simple country living a very small town. The most valuable lessons I learned were not taught to me in a classroom but while climbing through bails of hay and standing, with my beloved cousins and siblings, on the edge of fences, peering through the cracks of old wood and watching as a simple old man dedicate all of himself to his farm, his family, and his sheep. We watched from the side lines as he built a legacy that we have spent our adult lives understanding, appreciating, and cherishing memories of simpler times. I was shown, by old beautiful souls, just what the good life is. 

The Good Life.

Every day, my older brother and I drug ourselves out of bed before the sun to deliver the newspaper to the people who lived in our town. We saddled up our old horses and rode around this quiet little town, carelessly tossing the rolled up Spectrum news paper into our neighbors yards. I hated waking up so early but the sunrise took my breath away every single day. Most of my childhood was spent on the back of a horse. The rhythmic sound that hooves made as they met the earth was the musical soundtrack of my innocence.


New Life and Loss.
Spring time, back then, meant lambing season and my spring's were spent with my brothers and cousins. We didn't know it then but we were in the heart of the circle of life as we hung around the sheds, eagerly awaiting the arrival of new baby lambs. Looking back, I am realizing that the experience of watching the miracle of new life come in to the world, as a young child, was the foundation that I built my life upon. My childhood was sweet. My grandfather was a stern, strong man but there were so many simple, tender moments that he taught us all how to love. I witnessed God's work in saving lost sheep on the mountain where they grazed. I learned to nurture the ill and less fortunate while bottle feeding orphaned lambs. I felt the tender heartache of loss as I held a baby lamb in my arms while the life in it slipped away. I learned that death was an inevitable piece of the circle of life and, although painful for those of us left behind, somehow I came to the understanding that it could be as beautiful as birth. The way I saw it was that birth and death were one in the same, just a transaction of souls. I watched souls come into to the world and I watched some leave but I am certain that all lambs go to heaven. 

Perhaps only I perceived the process this way. Maybe my childish mind couldn't comprehend loss yet. I don't know. What I do know is that this understand of life and death has brought peace to me in the face of tragedy, later in life. 


Example.
Through years of diligently observing my grandfather, I learned that the most intelligent people search for their soul's passion and when they find it, no matter where life takes them, they stay true to themselves. I learned the value of a hard day's work and that if I wanted respect, I'd damn well be ready to earn it and prove myself or get out of the way. I learned that a man is only as good as his word is true. I learned that sunshine is the best medicine, that no family is perfect but you take care of those who belong to you, and that the strongest men take the time to show their grandchildren how to tenderly love all living creatures. 

My memories are vivid and so very precious but somewhere, in the midst of life's chaos and the process of "growing up," I forgot the soul healing power of dirt roads. 

To Search:
Last week, after I tucked my sweet children in to their beds, I sat on my couch and mindlessly stared out my window for a few minutes. It had been a very difficult few weeks in my little world. I was exhausted from the stresses of life and I suppose my body could no longer endure the pressure that my racing, confused mind had been putting on it. I don't usually go out to walk at night but that evening, I found myself lacing up my tennis shoes and heading out my back door. It was almost as if my body were taking me somewhere my mind had no interest in going but I couldn't stop it. I walked down the street, unsure of where I was headed. 

Pounding.
My feet started moving faster. I was running. I ran and ran and ran. The pain radiating up my legs, that had weakened over the years, was not enough to stop them from pushing further and further. Harder and harder. I wondered if I would be able to stop them as I turned down a dirt road that ran along side a field that was glowing beneath the shining sun. My feet pounded against the earth so hard that I could feel the vibration behind my eyes. I wondered if I were shaking the world beneath me. I couldn't breath but I couldn't stop... and I didn't ever want to. 

Suddenly my little puppy, that I didn't even realize had tagged along, crossed my path. I swerved to avoid him and my knees became weak from the jolt. I slammed against the rocks and found myself laying face up in the middle of the road staring at the sky. There I was, laying in the dirt and in that moment, I had not a care in the world. I laughed out loud until my eyes leaked tears.

Then I began to cry. Unexpectedly, I became overwhelmed with emotion. I wasn't even sure what I was crying about but I was fairly sure that they were tears of joy. I hadn't felt so alive in so many years. I hadn't felt so free since childhood and in that moment, it was clear to me that my spirit had been longing for wide open spaces. I rocked up, on to my knees and thanked God. 
I needed to fall down. I needed to laugh. I needed to stop, lay in the dirt, and watch the sunset through sprinkler lines. 
I was cold. I was out of breath. But... 

I was free.